Spoofs

Train DerailCongratulations on your purchase of Leaderail® – the all-in-one resource designed to completely undermine your influence and effectiveness as a leader.  Whether you purchased the CEO Golden Parachute Edition, the One-Term-in-Office Plan, or the 90-day Let’s-Get-This-Over-With Formula, you’re sure to be pleased with the results.  Soon you’ll be free to search for other opportunities for employment or service without the cumbersome distraction of someone else looking to you for guidance or vision.

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(With humble apologies to the Mary Stevenson Estate)

One night I dreamed that I was dipping my feet in the dog’s water bowl

And walking the lonely journey across my patio,

Leaving wet footprints along the way.

Soon I noticed tiny little footprints appearing behind mine. [click to continue…]

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Chick-fil-A

by Andy Wood on June 26, 2009

in Spoofs

Our buddy Tim Hawkins is back with a new DVD, “I’m No Rockstar” – a 90-minute combination of stand-up, acoustic guitar comedy, and “rock star moments.”  You can order it, along with his other awesome stuff, here.  Meanwhile, here’s a hilarious tribute to the place where cows encourage you to “Eat Mor Chikin.”

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writer-21Lately a couple of popular blog sites have created fun lists of books they’re “thinking about writing” or “anti-essential Christian books.”  Titles include Everyone Is Going To Hell Except Me (John MacArthur),  Gods Most Glorified When Were Most Calvinified in Him (John Piper), Right Behind a fresh set of Apocalyptic chronicles (Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins), 2009 Reasons Jesus Probably Wont Return in 2009,  Twilight:  the Christian Version, and Angels and Deacons.  I’ll give you a summary of my favorites below.

But all this has got me thinking.  A lot!  Here are 10 books I’d love to write.  So many ideas, so little time…. [click to continue…]

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Bobo Brown and the “ART” of Politics

by Andy Wood on July 25, 2008

in Spoofs

Elections bring out the best and the worst in people. Fortunately, in order to preserve our sanity, they also bring out the funny and the philosopher in us, too.  Check out Walt Handelsman’s take on McCain vs. Obama: The 2008 Summer Olympics.

The amazing folks at jibjab have created this one:

Now for some real wisdom…

Athens had Plato and Aristotle.  Israel had Solomon.  Colonial America had Jefferson and Madison.  We had Bobo Brown.

[click to continue…]

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Smells Like Birthday Cake

by Andy Wood on July 4, 2008

in Spoofs

Our buddy Tim Hawkins is back with a new video spoof.  If you haven’t seen Cletus Take the Reel, check it out (it’s still my favorite).

This one’s of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – only this time it’s at a kids birthday party.  Every parent who’s ever hosted one or every kid who’s ever had one can relate.  (By the way, Cletus fans – look for his cameo appearance.)  Enjoy!

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A S.C.A.R.Y. Letter to Thomas Jefferson

by Andy Wood on June 30, 2008

in Spoofs

JeffersonDear Mr. Jefferson,

On behalf of the Society for Colonial Advancement in Rational Yankeeism (SCARY for short), I want to commend you on your recent effort.  Your so-called “Declaration of Independence” certainly has promise, and your draft, should you deem it wise to proceed, is a fine beginning.  However, the Society has some concerns about some of your language and felt quite certain that such a Rational man as yourself would appreciate the opportunity to make a good work even better.  To wit:

-Your reference to the “Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God.”  While we admit that children in Sunday Schools may still believe in a Supreme Being, our society finds such a reference demeaning to the human spirit.  Moreover, a couple of our members are somewhat anxious about what you mean by “Laws of Nature.”  They find such a phrase to suggest that it might somewhat limit the “creative expression of their unique identity,” if you catch my drift.

-Again, your use of the words “created” and “Creator” leave no room for our understanding that humankind has evolved over millions of years.  While we delight in your reference to “life,” “liberty,” and “the pursuit of happiness,” we prefer to let individuals define for themselves what those constitute, free from the constraints suggested by “endowments” from an Almighty entity.

-The appeal in your closing paragraph to the “Supreme Judge of the world” is most disconcerting of all.  Such references to Ultimate accountability are mean-spirited and reckless – inappropriate for use in public life.  Perhaps rewording it more kindly – something like “cosmic love-giver” or the more human, “judgment of humankind” would improve the document.

-Finally, sir, regarding the pledge of “our lives, our Fortunes, our sacred Honor,” we find such phrases alarming.  Put bluntly, sir, the pledge of life suggests the risk of life.  We find such language to suggest the barbaric possibility of war to secure the “blessings” (another offensive religious word) of liberty to a generation yet to be born.  Rather than pledging your considerable fortunes to secure liberty for those you do not even know, we suggest pooling your funds to help the poor you already do know.  Such an act would appease the King and earn goodly favor in the press.  Moreover, it avoids the risk of death and war.  As we say, “Better taxed than terminated.”

In conclusion, Mr. Jefferson, while we appreciate some of the sentiments expressed in your document, we must vigorously request the address of the aforementioned concerns.  Failure to do so may make it necessary to consult with a local magistrate.  In other words, good sir, we’ll see you in court.

Sincerely,

Seymor Dredd

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TreadmillI hate maintenance.  This is in defiance to everything my father faithfully tried to instill in me.  I want the dishes to morph into the dishwasher, the oil to change itself, and the lawn to live, but not grow.  So you can imagine how thrilled I was to get a reminder in the mail that I had an appointment with a treadmill, about 11 electrodes, and a sadistic nurse with a razor and sandpaper.  “Stress EKG.”  Ha!  I don’ need no stinkin’ treadmill to tell me I got stress.

It’s not about the treadmill, mind you.  I get on one about five times a year, whether I need to or not.  It’s about getting on the treadmill at the doctor’s office when I haven’t been on one at the gym in a while.  I needed some time to work out before the exam so the exam wouldn’t make me look like I hadn’t been working out.  Sort of like cleaning the house before the house cleaner comes.

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Cletus Take the Reel

by Andy Wood on December 23, 2007

in Spoofs

I found this link on Josh Harris’ blog site to “Cletus Take the Reel” – a spoof on Carrie Underwood’s hit song.  I had never heard of Tim Hawkins before, but he’s hilarious.

If you’re in the South Plains (Texas) area, Tim will be here in January.

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