You Need to Leave Now

by Andy Wood on January 29, 2014

in Conversations, Five LV Laws, Hoarders, Insight, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Principle of Freedom, Waiting

let_god_2

(A Conversation)

Quiet.

Quiet?

Yeah, quiet.  You ask how I am… I’m quiet.

In what way? Are you upset?

No.  I don’t think so. Just quiet.

Worse ways to be, I guess.

I suppose so.

And what brought you to this place of being so quiet?

I guess it all started with this sense of yearning – of longing for something more in my walk with the Lord.

That’s a good thing.

Sure, ‘til I realized what’s in the way.

Which is…?

This feeling that I’ll never be good enough.

Good enough for what?

Good enough not to be jealous of somebody else.

So the real problem is jealousy?

Deeper than that.  The real problem, I think, is shame.

Really? You?

Really… me.  I was comparing myself to Chris, this guy I know. Everything he touches seems to have the hand of God on it.

And you don’t think the hand of God is on you?

Oh I’m grateful. I’m blessed.

Sounds like you really believe that!

I do, I guess.  But I look at Chris and it reminds me what a blip on the screen I am.  Useless, forgettable, uncool, boring, irrelevant.  I know it’s just jealousy and shame and all the crap that can so easily paralyzes me.  I know that God is blessing me, too, and I’m making progress.  But still, it nagged at me.

Okay, let me get this straight.

Okay.

You are blessed.  You’re making progress.  You think the Lord is calling you to a more intimate place in your relationship with Him.  How’m I doing so far?

All good.

And yet, you feel jealous because somebody else is making more progress and looks more blessed. And because of that, you feel useless, worthless, like a – what was it you said? – like a blip on the screen?

I didn’t say it was pretty.

But it is what it is?

It is what it is.  Sorry… I should have never brought it up. I know I’m just being a baby.

You’re just being real.

Well I’ve just been in a season lately where everywhere I turn I feel like I’m laying eggs.  The overall theme of my life is, if it’s from me – my mind, my heart, my skillset, my dreams, my ambitions, my anything – it’s undesirable.  Unwanted.  Unneeded.  And probably ill-advised.  There’s always something more needed, somebody who’s more gifted, whatever.

You know that’s a lie, right?

I know in my head.  My heart’s in a different place.

You know that the scoreboard keeps changing while the clock’s still ticking?

I guess so.

You know there’s something to be said for perseverance? One foot in front of the other? Doing the next right thing?

Again, in my head, yes.  Just not feeling it today.

Well, I have a suggestion.

Though you might.

I think you need to leave now.

What?

I think you need to leave.

I just got here!

Men Camping

I don’t mean leave here.  I mean leave the Land of Short-term Results.  The unmagical land where idiots live.

You calling me an idiot?

That depends.  Are you trying to serve God and control the results?

Maybe.

Then you’re an idiot.  Are you trying to measure your worth based on what other people are saying?

Well… not on purpose.

You’re an idiot.  Are you jealous about how “successful” some other guy is in the short run, without knowing where he’s going to actually arrive or even what “success” looks like?

It just looks so dad-gummed easy for him! I’m tired of it always being so hard for me!

You’re an idiot.  You need to leave.

I’m about ready to leave!

You’re about ready to meet God, if you’d just get your nose out of your armpit long enough to see it.

See what?

The call on your life and work to leave!  Or as Oswald Chambers used to always say, to abandon.  “Abandon all to God!” he would say again and again.

I think I’ve done that.

I think you haven’t, and that’s what He’s showing you. You’re still holding on to the results of your service, and your definition of success.  Meanwhile, the Spirit keeps whispering… “Abandon…  Let go…  Rest…  Abide…  Lay your work or ministry or calling or success on an altar of abandonment to God.”

But I have to be faithful!

With the work, yes.  But not the results.  That’s His business.

That’s sounds a lot easier than it is.

I understand.  You know what your problem is?

I’m an idiot?

Not really.  Your problem is you’re carrying a heavy load.

Well, that’s true. But God won’t give me more than I can handle.

Oh, puke!  God didn’t give you the load you’re carrying!

What do you mean?

You’re not carrying your load.  You’re carrying the load God intended for Chris.  And worse than that, you’re carrying a load God intended to keep for Himself.  And God just called – He wants His load back.

Abandon?

Abandon.  Eyes on the prize, hands off the controls.

I’m ready to do that.

I’m ready to see what you are going to become when you do.

You sure are nice when you’re kicking my butt.

You’re welcome.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Martha Orlando January 29, 2014 at 11:53 am

We could all use that kind of butt-kicking from time to time. It’s such a waste of time to walk through life wishing we had the “success” of others. God has a journey mapped out only for us and we do need to leave the results to Him.
Blessings, Andy!
Martha Orlando´s last blog post ..Back Seat Driver – Part 1

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: