Hanukkah Hams – Show Me the Money Edition

by Andy Wood on November 13, 2008

in Consumers, Gamblers, Insight, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, Money

Okay, all you fans of the amazing possibilities of humans left to their own ideas, it’s time for another edition of Hanukkah Hams!  In case you missed previous episodes, a Hanukkah Ham was named after this, uh, “creative” marketing idea last year.

With all the gloom, doom, and sleepless nights about the economy, I thought maybe we could use a little financial inspiration.

Couldn’t find any, so this is what you get instead…

One of the fundamental truths of the New Testament is that money is “coined personality.”  That is, people can see the “real you” in the ways you respond to and handle money.  If you’re generous with your finances, you’ll be generous with other parts of your life as well.  Same is true if you’re careless, stingy, unorganized, etc.  This raises some interesting questions about some or organizations.  If money is coined personality, we may have a few problems!

A couple of years ago, I walked into a local bank, started writing a check, and told the teller in my best deadpan voice that I needed $30 worth of Federal Reserve notes.  He actually asked another teller, “Do we have Federal Reserve notes here?”  “Ya mean, money?” she asked.

Last month a man in Warren, Michigan figured the best way to get a little extra cash for the holidays was to strong arm somebody and steal theirs. Unfortunately, the victim turned out to be stronger than the thief.  When all was said and done, the victim got his money back, plus $30 of the perp’s cash as he fled the scene.

A police chief in the U.K. was suspended recently after his $9 million investigation into a murder revealed that, in fact, there was no murder.

A woman in Florida has sued her fortune teller for a refund of $13,200 that she spent over a period of weeks to have the palm reader place a curse on the man who killed her son.  In her defense, the fortune teller stated that she told the woman she didn’t do that sort of thing; if she wanted a curse, she should go to Haiti.

Have your health insurance rates gone up lately?  A West Virginia man recently was awarded $40.00 from his medical insurer – you read that right:  forty dollars – in a five-year-long case that made it all the way to the fourth U. S. Court of Appeals in Richmond.  Aetna has yet to send him the check, which he says he’ll frame and hang on his wall.  Probably too broke from paying their attorneys.

In Kennesaw, Ga., a man tried to rob a bank, apparently unaware it was still under construction and had no money yet.

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

Police in St. Bernard Parish, La., charged a man with grave desecration.  Seems he went to a cemetery and dug up his cousin’s grave after hearing he had been buried with his money and bag of marijuana.

A man was signing the receipt for his credit card purchase when the clerk noticed he had never signed his name on the back of the credit card. She informed him that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When he asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature he had just signed on the receipt. So he signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one he had just signed on the receipt. Lo and behold, they matched!

In Modesto, California, a man was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he forgot to keep his hand in his pocket.

Throughout the United States (and probably elsewhere), people and organizations shelled out over one billion-with-a-“b” dollars to get their favorite candidate elected to the White House.

There’s more, but I’ve gotta go.  I’m watching an infomercial about a secret system for making over a million dollars with no risk and little effort.  It’s a sure-fire thing!

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